Further reflections: the barge in daylight

I filled up the Barge yesterday to check the fuel economy. It was also the first opportunity for the wife to try out the passenger seat - fortunately, she likes it.

Good point: economy matches the published figure.
Bad point: that figure is 25mpg...



I suppose it goes some way to proving that the engine/gearbox is reasonably healthy, if I'm getting that sort of figure. But it's a reflection of brick-like aerodynamics, lazy normally-aspirated six-cylinder engine and slush-matic old-style auto box.

I can't pretend to be disappointed as it's exactly the car I've been looking for really.

One thing that is one of my pet hates is air con that doesn't work. Fortunately, I *think* the S90's system is working OK - it demists effectively, although the handbook says it doesn't operate below 6 degC so I can't verify it yet. I am prepared to spend a bit of money fixing it if it turns out to be bust.

Other faults that came to light (excuse the pun):

- Rear taillight bulb blown (now fixed). Good on-board system detects blown bulbs (very Volvo).
- Driver's electric seat adjust: rear squab doesn't rise and fall. Luckily it's roughly in the place I'd have it anyway.

So, jobs for the future:

- Investigate seat heater fault(s). I'm betting it isn't a fuse - the light comes on when you switch them. Most likely a wiring or thermostat fault.

- Audio options. The standard stereo sounds great (it has a separate amplifier) but does not have DAB radio or an iPod input. Temporary solution for now is to use a tape adaptor attached to the iPod.

Ideally I'd like to replace the head unit with a Blaupunkt DAB unit I have and use the existing amp. But that involves finding an adaptor (which I believe doesn't exist) or cutting the wiring (which I'd rather not do).

That forces me down the route of a 'full install', ie scrap the existing system and replace with an amp'd system of my own. Which I can do, although it's a lot of work: routing live feed from battery through car, finding and connecting existing speaker wiring, routing signal cable to amp etc etc.

I also need to install a DAB antenna: roof mount ones are best, but I don't want to drill holes in the roof, and there's nowhere to route the wiring through a seal like there would be in a hatchback. So a glass-mount thing looks like a potential solution:

Watch this space. I have all of next week to fiddle until the Barge's big test: Operation Cross-County. This involves driving from Midlands to South Coast, then onto deepest darkest Devon, and back to Midlands. Messers BP, Shell and Texaco will be delighted.

Collection: Colchester or Bust

Getting oneself from the nether Midlands to Colchester on the train is no mean feat. Nor is it cheap. £50 or so in fact.

I don't live near a station so I managed to persuade a friend to give me a lift. Still I had to navigate from Banbury, across London, to Liverpool St and up to Colchester. On the Friday before Christmas. Which threatened to snow.

Got a lift to the trader's 'lot' (actually a portakabin and a few square feet of tarmac) and filled in the paperwork. They were keen to show off the car, but as I'd already committed to buy it, it seemed a little pointless. Plus it was dark so I couldn't see anything anyway.

I did take the trouble to start it up and lift the bonnet. It is incredibly smooth. OK, a straight-six has an advantage in this respect, and I'm used to a rattly old diesel, but even so I was expecting more squeaks and ticks from a 106k mile engine.

Paperwork finished, I set off back to the Midlands. Being a pessimist, I was convinced I'd break down on the way back. In fact, my biggest worry was finding fuel - as usual when buying a used car, fuel isn't part of the deal.

£90 later the needle showed a reassuringly full tank... (that's 10% of the sale price!). I was expecting big fuel bills, and the S90 has a big (80 litre) tank, but even so that came as a bit of a shock.

Still, first impressions were good. The auto box shifts cleanly and the lockup function locks up without drama. I soon realised that the biggest challenge in getting home would be navigational - I wanted to avoid the Friday evening M25 crawl-athon.

Bad points:
- Heated seats don't.
- Remote central locking doesn't (but key works and locks all doors).
- Ignition key is weirdly mashed up - not the metal bit but the plastic bit is all misshaped, like it's been melted chemically (the spare is fine though).
- Bit of vibration under braking (probably needs front discs & pads).

There is a creak/squeak from the interior somewhere, probably caused by the Eighties style hard plastics used inside. Not enough to worry about.

I'm actually pretty impressed, and given that I bought the car 'sight unseen', I feel like I've done OK. There are similar cars with double the mileage on Ebay/Autotrader for more money, and I think buying this sort of car in the week before Christmas is a good idea - nobody wants a gas guzzler (except me) and nobody has any money anyway (including me).

I certainly didn't pay auction price (maybe £500-600) but it has got MoT, paperwork, history and seems straight (ish).

Arrival: The Bargain Barge is Born

A wet Monday evening in December. Idle Ebay speculation on a tempting Volvo S90. It's a max-spec version (Luxury Edition) with all the toys, 106k miles, history and the right colour (metallic blackberry).



I bid £1,170 thinking that would trump anyone (particularly traders) who work in 'round' numbers like £995. Sure enough, the end price was £995, with me the winning bidder.

First hurdle: tell the wife I've just spent a thousand pounds on a gas-guzzling saloon.

"Darling?"
"What?"
"What do you think of Volvos?"
"They're big, ugly and driven by twats. Why do you ask?"
"Weeeeelll, I might have accidentally just bought one."
"WHAT?!"


Some time later, I showed her some pictures of the interior, which seemed to do the trick.

A bit of background: my other car is a 1999 Peugeot 306 HDi, which is brilliant on fuel (50mpg) but is noisy and uncomfortable and to be honest, I'm getting bored of changing gear with a clutch and gear lever.

Most importantly, my wife tells me the ride is so bad, that it makes her want to go to the loo. Any self-respecting husband will understand that the time lost finding and using a highway toilet is time that could be better spent reading the paper and/or drinking tea.

Anyway, back to the purchase: a 1998 Volvo S90 3.0 auto saloon.

The seller, 'Webcarmart', has good feedback, although is a trader. I have an inherent distrust of traders having suffered at the hands of a few in the past. However, this setup seems to specialise in Volvos, and the description was pretty comprehensive, highlighting the good and bad bits. Some extracts below:

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Vehicle Description

A rare example of the last of the line 940/960 series, a 1998 S90 3.0 Luxury Edition 204 Auto in blackberry metallic with a very good service history, leather/alcantara, high power audio CD system, sunroof, electric seats (both driver & passenger with memory on driver's), alloys & cruise control.

These are rare cars - there are only about 40-50 S90 LE's in the UK.

All the toys work fine, including the aircon which is nice and cold (or as much as we can tell this time of year), electric aerial and even the sunroof tilts and slides fine (rare on these cars - the slide mechanism often breaks).

On the exterior, it is not like new, but for the age and mileage in our opinion is pretty good. Obviously there is some wear and tear, the odd mark here and there etc. but it is really still quite a smart looking old beast. There is a patch of lacquer missing on the boot edge, a ding on the offside rear bumper corner and small scuff on the front nearside bumper corner.

The interior is very good in our opinion, apart from some of the usual "bubbling" on the alcantara inserts it is very hard to find anything to fault.

The car drives just as it should and is very smooth. If you're used to the 740/940 cars these are much nicer as they have fully independent suspension and ride/handle considerably better.

We have service book with 9 stamps right up to 104740 miles and invoices for the last 3 services. The cambelt was changed at 74842 miles.

We have V5 (logbook), manual pack, service book, service invoices and 2 keys.

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So, with a little logistical juggling, I made plans to public transport myself to Colchester to collect.

Search for a Bargain Barge

So - what is this blog about?

It's the culmination of an unsuppressible urge to run a big, expensive-to-run, heavy luxury car.

Minimum requirements:

- More than four cylinders 

- Auto gearbox

- Leather

- Heated seats

- Cruise control

Any other luxury items are a welcome addition.

Of course, I could have chosen a typical D-segment (Mondeo size) car in top trim level, but for the full barge experience it's got to be bigger than that and more expensive - at least in terms of its original list price.

So, what made the shortlist?

- Audi A8

Pros: Big, lots of gadgets, some are 4wd.

Cons: Complicated, unreliable (from what I've heard), difficult to fix, too many nice things were optional (eg electric seats)

- BMW 7 Series

Pros: Lovely to drive, rear wheel drive, look great

Cons: Scary Nicasil-lined V8s, drug-dealer image, lots of really tatty ones around with seven owners (now in prison)

- Citroen CX

Pros: Designed by Martians, look great, 80s-futuristic

Cons: Rust, unreliable, low std equipment count, rare

- Ford Scorpio (1995-98)

Pros: I had a 1991 Scorp and loved it, simple mechanicals, cheap bits

Cons: Can't seem to find any good ones left, 'fugly' (fucking ugly), not many in V6 spec

- Lexus GS

Pros: I secretly love the way the Mk1 looks, but the Mk2 is uglier (and therefore cheap)
Cons: Expensive bits, lots of gold-badged tatty ones around

- Nissan [Maxima] QX

Pros: Reliable, well equipped

Cons: Front wheel drive, 2.0-litre V6 is slow, zero image (but plenty of comedy value)

- Vauxhall Omega

Pros: Cheap

Cons: Lots of low spec ones around, can't seem to find a good one (see Ford Scorpio), notoriously unreliable

- Volvo S80

Pros: Some high-spec ones around. V6 twin turbo is nearly 300bhp...
Cons: Front wheel drive, scary packaging, a bit unreliable

- Volvo V70

Pros: Estate luggage capacity
Cons: Front wheel drive, scary packaging, some dodgy ones around, clunky handling

- Volvo S/V90

Pros: Big, rear-drive, funeral director image
Cons: State of the Ark (ie dated), boxy looks, funeral director image

So - what did I choose? Read on...